Make it Mine...

Wake up everyone... How can you sleep at time like this, unless the dreamer is the real you... Listen to your voice... The one that tells you to taste past the tip of your tongue... Leap in, net will appear... I don't wanna wake before the dream is over... I'm gonna make it mine... Yes I know it... I'm gonna make it mine... Yes I'll make it all mine... I keep my life on a heavy rotation... Requesting that it's lifting you up, up, up and away and over to a table at the Gratitude Cafe... And timing's everything, and this time there's plenty... I am balancing, careful and steady and reveling in energy that everyone's emitting...

This song is cheesy. Yes, I admit that it's cheesy. But I secretly like it. Sometimes you need a good cheesy song to lift your spirits a little bit. I see, hear and feel such crazy things on a daily basis and sometimes they effect me positively and sometimes they effect me negatively. Life is taking the good with the bad, right? I've been trying to stay on the side of the good. Accepting the bad while trying to remain positive. And it's been working for me and I like it.

I have some really great things to be grateful for and I totally am. For the first time in my life I'm taking responsibility for all of my actions. All of them. And that's what, I guess, fueled the last post about the seven deadly sins. Actually feeling guilty for the things I've done, for hurting the people I've hurt. And yea, I'm not a demon, I just feel bad. It's not in my nature to be bitchy or hurtful. It's just that I was careless with things in my life and there are days when the guilt hits me harder than it probably should. I never murdered anyone. I was never an intravenous drug user. I never beat the shit out of anyone. But people (read: boys) put their hearts in my hands and I abused them. I made some bad decisions in my life. Did some things I'm not too proud of. And because it's not in my nature to hurt others, I feel guilty even if what I did wasn't that bad. I'm not sure if that even made sense, but I hope I got my point across.

I was on the subway today and I saw something that made me a little sad. Usually you get the crazy kooks begging for money. Trying to sell you batteries and shit. There are some pretty cool things too. Like the time this crew of boys managed to clear the whole center of the subway car in the middle of rush hour to do flips and dance to some crazy music. It was the most money I ever saw anyone make on the subway. There was also the time this random bass player guy placed his crate on the floor right next to where I was sitting and proceeded to serenade me with "White Girl" to the tune of "My Girl". A little embarrassing, but very funny. I usually don't dish out money on the subway but there are a few people who tug at my heart strings. Today was one of those days.

A man came into the subway car I was on and before he even said I word I was taking the three dollars out of my pocket. His whole face was scarred. That's not something you can scam people about on the subway. This tourist next to me screamed when he came in and I wanted to punch her. But I refrained. Anyway, he was carrying a picture with him showing that he had been burned by acid. He couldn't really speak but explained that he was currently unemployed due to the fact that no one would hire him. Honestly, he didn't even have to speak for me to hand over whatever money I had on me. People were shoving money into this man's hands. I was happy to see people respond the way that they did... except for that crazy tourist. But whatever.

Sometimes you need to see things to realize that you your life isn't bad. Sometimes you need to be aware of everything around you. Sometimes you need to see things to understand what life is about. People responded to this man and I was proud to be there to witness it. Something like what this man is going through is not fair. Seeing that it happens makes me really sad. But I'm glad he came onto that train and I'm glad that I was a part of helping him. You need to be grateful for everything. Every day here is another day that you made it. Really shitty things happen every single day. They are unfair and horrible but every bit of this life is a learning experience. And every single day I see that a little bit more than I did the day before.

Make this life everything you want to make it. It may take awhile. It's taking me awhile longer than I expected. But I'm grateful. I'm learning to take every day for what it is. I don't have to make a big deal about everything. I teeter on the line between rational and dramatic. And I hate that fucking line... but it's fading. I'm learning. This is my life. There will always be signs everywhere teaching me. And it's time I actually let them show me what they want to show me. This is my life. My responsibility. Me. And I will work every single day, maybe harder than the day before, to be a better human being. A better me.

For real this time.

Anyway, I just wanted to share.

Thanks for reading...