Aiden...

I look at the world and I notice it's turning... With every mistake we must surely be learning...

I write today with a lot on my mind. There are things that I can't understand. Some things I don't think I will ever understand. But I try to go about my day. I try to make sense of it all, even if there is no sense to be made. My eyes have been opened so many times to very cruel shit. Today my eyes were opened yet again. I can't possibly imagine how the news I read could be true. Hey reality, welcome back. Thanks for that slap in the face...

Almost two years ago, one of the crappiest things I ever heard came ringing through my ears. Aiden was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. Who is Aiden? He is the son, nephew, godson and grandson to some very special people in my life. At the time, he was 8 years old. They had found a tumor the size of a lemon on his prostate and one spot on his lung. The doctors were hopeful that they could shrink the tumor with aggressive chemo. Sixty weeks of it to be exact. Let that penetrate your brain. An 8 year old and aggressive chemo for SIXTY weeks. It gives me the chills every time. Since these treatments would cost an astronomical amount of money, a benefit was thrown in his honor to help the family with medical bills and child care for his two younger siblings. The benefit was a success. More than enough money was raised and the healing process began.

Months after, I was hearing news that the tumor on his prostate, originally the size of a lemon, had now gone down to the size of a grape. A few months after that, he was in remission. It was an unreal success story. His whole family was ecstatic. Everyone put away their "Angels for Aiden" bracelets not long after that. Everything went exactly as planned. A few months later, I noticed that some of his family members were wearing new camouflage bracelets and so I asked one of them what it said. It was another bracelet for Aiden. My heart sank. I asked what for and they told me that the doctors found new tumors on his lungs. And that he would have to go back in for treatments but they were hopeful.

At that time I started reading his mother's online journal of his progress. I knew it was a sore subject to talk about in person and so reading would keep me in the loop while kindof staying out of it. He had gone in for surgery to remove the tumors on his lungs but when the doctors came out to speak to the parents, instead of telling them how great everything went, they had to tell their story about the lack of success in the OR. When they went in they found that more tumors were growing on his lungs and could not remove the initial ones. They would try new test drugs to try and shrink the tumors or get rid of them completely. They would have to try them to find out.

And now it is a few months later and I read today on her journal that nothing is working and that he is in pain. And the doctors say with no treatment he has 3-12 weeks to live. I am sick to my stomach. The mother wrote things like "he is so special that God probably wants him back." And that kills me. He is not even 10 years old. He has been through more hell than the majority of adults I know. And I can't possibly imagine what they are going through. How their whole world has been turned to shit. They will never be the same and there is nothing that can be done. This kid, I can't even begin to describe his bravery and do it justice. When he was going through his first run of chemo and not feeling well, he told his mother that as long as it would make the cancer go away that he didn't care what he had to endure to get there. 8 fucking years old. And now, he just wants to make it to 10 and no one can even guarantee that for him.

I ask whoever reads this to put your life into perspective for just one second. Can you hug people without it hurting your chest? Can you eat meals with friends and family? Can you go watch a baseball game if you feel like it? Can you go hang out with your friends? If you answered yes to any or all of these then thank God. Understand that you need to realize that while you don't have every single thing this world has to offer, you have life. You have love. And you have more than some.

I can't wrap my brain around this. I can't figure out how this happens to families and they go on. I can't figure out how it takes something so terrible for some of us to realize everything in this world is just gravy. That there is shit out there that is so far beyond what we can comprehend and that this world is crazy and unexpected and sometimes really fucked up. I don't understand how people kill people over parking spots. I don't understand how people could hate people purely based on the color of their skin. I don't understand how people can walk around like their better than others. It makes me sick. And today it makes me sicker. Kids don't deserve this shit. Kids don't deserve cancer. My chest feels hollow thinking about this. I just don't get it...

I'm sorry if this post made you think. I'm sorry if it made you feel bad. But keep Aiden in your hearts and prayers. He is one kid who truly deserves it...

While my guitar gently weeps...

Thanks for reading...